I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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