you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
