I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
