He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize