i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
