Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize