her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
