Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i barfeds in our rink
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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