Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize