I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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