My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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