Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
PANTIES FOUND
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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