He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize