My friends, they love my intelligence
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
