whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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