This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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