i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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