literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
