I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
so much tequila, so little girl.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize