omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
