That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
