Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
