good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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