Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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