i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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