I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
