I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
there is puke in my bra ... again
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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