my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
