I hate your face
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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