her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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