Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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