That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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