Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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