Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
