when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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