And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
