There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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