maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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