I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's a naked man in my car right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
