his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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