I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
