I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize