I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
