bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
