youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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