life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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