I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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