smell my finger.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
