hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
