I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
