He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
