I think i peed on brittanys purse
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
