Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
