sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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