I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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