I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
