He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
