Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
