no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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