Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
