I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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