Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize