Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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