Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
