Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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